Self-Introduction email

on

Subject: Self-introduction

Dear Professor Brad,

My name is Lim Jun Jie, I would like to introduce myself to you as a student in your effective communication class. I graduated with a diploma in aerospace electronics from Singapore Polytechnic in May 2018.  I decided to further my studies with Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT) in the civil engineering programme, to explore and understand how it can co-exist with the aerospace industry.

I am always intrigued by how aircraft work and attended the biannual Singapore Airshow, looking out for the excellent aerobatic flying displays of the aircrafts from various countries such as the United States Pacific Air Forces’ F-22 Raptor, Republic of Korea’s Black Eagles and many others. I was enlighten that such aircraft does not exist by itself but through the sophisticated engineering manufacturing process, bringing the aerospace industry to higher height .  I also have a passion for volunteering and have been actively involved in the annual National Day Parade Hospitality Management.

My communication strength is that I am willing to spend time listening to others and clarifying when I am in doubt. I learnt this through my years of volunteering, where the team and I conduct after action review to understand the areas for improvements. This will allow the team to lead a better execution of the event next time.

I do have a communication weakness which is I would rush to finish a presentation with large group of participants due to my nervousness and lack of confidence. This weakness was amplified when I had to give a presentation to five hundred volunteers and as a result, the volunteers were not actively engaged during the presentation.

Through attending effective communication classes, I aim to be more confident in giving presentations to a larger group of participants. I also wish that I would become more coherent in sharing my opinions with my teammates so that they would not misunderstand my intention.

I look forward to having a great time in your lessons.

Yours sincerely,

Lim Jun Jie

CVE1281 Group 6

 

Revised on 7th April 2021

Commented on Lin Yi, Diyanah, Raudhah, Dzuhair, Cheng Quan

Comments

  1. Brad Blackstone21 January 2021 at 18:52

    Thanks for posting your letter, Jun Jie. I look forward to reading it and also reading the comments of your peers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. ChengQuan21 January 2021 at 22:18

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Diyanah21 January 2021 at 22:20

    Good introduction and content, I find it interesting that you have a passion in aerospace but you joined a civil engineering course. Overall, I think that the essay meets the 7C’s of communication except for correct, there is some grammatical errors.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jun Jie22 January 2021 at 08:01

      Hi Diyanah,

      Thank you for your comment on where I could improve on, will take a look at it and make amendments.

      Delete
    2. Diyanah28 January 2021 at 07:27

      Hi Jun Jie

      I would like to elaborate on the errors which I found after a further read of your letter.

      1)"standalone" may not be an appropriate spelling, perhaps inserting a replacing with the hyphenated spelling "stand-alone" would be better.

      2)"aircraft" is both plural and singular form, thus there is no need to add a "s" behind them.

      3) incorrect use of preposition, "passion of volunteering" to "passion for volunteering"

      4)"team mates" seems to be miswritten, "teammates"

      On a positive note, I would like to take this opportunity to praise on the courteousness and concreteness of this letter!

      Best Regards
      Diyanah



      Delete
    3. Jun Jie28 January 2021 at 18:13

      Hi Diyanah,

      Thank you for noting on my errors, grateful for that. Have noted on it ,and would make the necessary changes.

      Thank you

      Delete
  4. Raudhah22 January 2021 at 21:06

    Your introduction letter is very concise and straight to the point. I am also able to easily comprehend what you are writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Raudhah28 January 2021 at 07:26

      Hi Jun Jie, despite the good effort in your letter, there are a few things to note:

      - You can shorten "I am writing to introduce myself to you as a student in your effective communication class" to "I would like introduce myself as a student in your class"
      -The phrase "With the idea that aerospace does not standalone by itself.." is unclear and should be further elaborated.
      -The phrase "and been actively involved .." should be "and have been actively involved.."
      -The phrase "..leading to a better execution of the event the next time." should be written as " to lead a better execution of the event next time."
      - In this phrase, "I do have a communication weakness, which is..", the comma is unneeded.

      Other than that, I enjoyed reading your post. Looking forward to seeing more of them!

      Delete
    2. Jun Jie28 January 2021 at 18:14

      Hi Raudhah,

      Thank you and would make the necessary changes, and for spotting these mistakes.

      Delete
  5. Brad Blackstone24 January 2021 at 00:01


    Dear Jun Jie,

    Thank you for this detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate with clear explanations and examples. The letter is quite informative. I'm particularly impressed by your explanation of your interest in aircraft and the related connection to engineering. In that regard though, I'd like to see a one or two-sentence explanation. How are these fields/industries connected?

    In the post, you also do a good job of explaining your volunteer work and relating that to your communication. I hope you can take what you have learned in volunteering and implement that in terms of being a leader in our class. At the same time, rest assured that you will have many opportunities to speak in class. Be sure to take those when I ask for volunteers!

    All in all you do a good job developing each segment of this post, but there are still a few issues to consider in terms of language use and expression:

    1. lack of conciseness
    -- aerospace does not standalone by itself > ?

    2. lack of clarity in sentence structure
    -- I also have the passion of volunteering and been actively involved... >
    (lack of parallel structure: two complete tensed verbs)
    I also have a passion for volunteering and have been actively involved
    -- to understand where we have done well and where could we have improved on, > (lack of parallel structure) ?

    3. incorrect words/phrasing
    -- the passion of volunteering > a passion for volunteering
    -- so that they would not be misunderstood > (incorrect verb form) ?

    Let's work on this. I look forward to reading more of your writing this term.

    Cheers,

    Brad

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jun Jie28 January 2021 at 19:16

      Hi Prof,

      Thank you for listing down the areas for improvements, and would work on it to improve the email.

      Yes, I will try to speak more during class.

      Thank you

      Delete
  6. ChengQuan26 January 2021 at 08:25

    Dear Jun jie,

    After reading your letter I get to know more about you, such as knowing that you come from a different engineering background and also your interest in aircrafts. I find that the content of your letter is quite clear and complete. The tone that you use in this letter is also very polite.

    Things that I feel you could add on to this letter is that you can explain more about your passion in volunteering, why do you have passion in volunteering and also how does an aircraft capture your interest.

    Best regards,
    Cheng Quan

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jun Jie28 January 2021 at 18:16

      Hi Cheng Quan,

      Thank you for your recommendations on where I could add more on, will take note of it when i make revisions to the email.

      Delete

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